It’s true what people say,
“You don’t know, until you know.”

I never thought my life was bad, but I also never imagined how many losses I’d carry by the time I was 35:

• The loss of beloved grandparents 
• The heartbreak of losing pets 
• The unimaginable pain of losing my twin nephews 
• A painful divorce 
• The loss of a thriving career I dearly loved due to health issues 
• The loss of my dream to become a mother due to infertility 
• The loss of my sweet mother-in-law
• The loss of a good friend and neighbor due to a malignant brain tumor
• And the loss of a child due to a failed adoption placement 

Then in 2017, my world was rocked even further. In August, my mom was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I lost my husband and best friend, Rich, that November. At 39, I became a widow.

I remember questioning why all of this was happening to me as I sat with the shattered pieces of my heart. This began the darkest journey of my life as I struggled to make sense of it all while I was drowning in the depths of despair. 

I had no idea how to: 

• Handle the rollercoaster of unpredictable emotions
• Manage the fear and loneliness 
• Explain my feelings to dear family and friends 
• Function in a world that had turned from color to black and white 

The first year as a widow was a blur. Numbness and shock were ever-present.  At some point, I recall… 

• Reaching out for grief counseling, 
• Joining widow support groups (where I thankfully made some wonderful friends)
• Reading a lot of grief books 
• Screaming, crying, and experiencing anger — often
• Going out to counterbalance the loneliness, but as soon as I was out, I wanted to go back home

It was a constant state of being homesick, where nothing I did brought me the comfort of “home.” I struggled with my sense of identity since my journey had completely changed me. My new widowed friends were my lifeline as I knew they truly understood. My family and friends were incredibly supportive and made every effort to be there as best they could, but you could see the pain in their eyes. It hurt them to see me hurting.

In February 2019, I would suffer another unexpected loss, losing my dear friend Brad in a tragic car accident. His wife, Mandy has been my best friend since childhood and the two of them were such a support system to me. Now her and I were walking this grief journey together. It was a flood of emotions as I saw her pain and processed my own.

In the fall of 2019, I made the decision to move to a new area of town and take steps forward to rejoin the colorful world I once knew. But in early 2020, COVID hit, and isolation and loneliness set in again.

Then, in May of 2020, the darkness reappeared with the loss of my beloved dog, Duke. Just two months later, I faced the sudden and devastating loss of my wonderful cousin, Todd. And, as if that wasn’t enough, six months later, my mom’s cancer had not only returned but had metastasized. I fell to my knees and cried out to God. It was time to stop being angry. I turned my life over to him and asked for peace and comfort. I knew I needed him, and I could no longer do this alone. I needed God’s love to meet my pain and carry me in his arms until I felt I could walk on my own again.

I also decided to allow my heart to experience love again. I was inspired to find the light I once held within. Eventually, I put my heart back out into the dating world and fell in love again with a wonderful, caring, patient, and compassionate man named Dave. Dave was already a dear friend to both my late husband and me. He stood by me as I continued to navigate the stages of grief.

In December 2022, Dave and I got engaged on Christmas Eve, surrounded by my family. By early 2023, my smile, light, and laugh were back. I had finally made peace with myself and my journey while walking wholeheartedly in faith with the Lord. We were joyfully married in May 2023!

The time had come to take all this pain, darkness, and loss and use it for a purpose:

• To inspire others to pursue their light again
• To share their emotions to gain healing
• To educate others about grief by pursuing a career as a grief coach
• To offer a safe space for others to process their loss while working through their grief

Unfortunately, despite all the efforts and treatments, my mom’s health took a turn for the worse. On March 3^rd of 2024, my mom gained her heavenly wings — just one day before my sister’s birthday and exactly two weeks before mine. The world is a different place without your momma.

While my grief journey continues, I have learned so much from my experiences. You do not “move on”, but you can “move forward.” Grief changes you, and it will always be a part of you, but you can rediscover your purpose and find joy again. No one should have to walk this journey alone.

I’m here as your grief partner on your grief journey.  Let me walk beside you. I will provide a safe space to express your feelings so you can feel heard and understood. Allow yourself the support and guidance you need to rediscover the light inside of you and turn it back on!